Justis Family Website & Blog - Thoughts to sift through the insanity that is our family.

Aug
14

A Life Change

written by Wendy Justis

So I probably should have started the series a few months ago. But here is the back story. I am a type A personality that demands perfection from myself. I have grace for others but not for me. My life motto has always been “Second place is just the first looser.” When I fail it is devastating to me, however I have been forced to face the reality of life as a mother and wife. I will fail! So how have I dealt with this and other failures in my life. Lets visit the past.

My parents separated (emotionally at first then physically) when I was in Kinder and finally divorced when I was in 4th grade. I know this because I remember my mother walking in to talk with Mrs. Gardner to let her know what was going on. I have no desire to bash my father right now, but lets just say there are scars that are deep. On top of the scars there was a little girl that was not so little. I have battled my weight all of my life, and lost for most of it. I have always turned to food for comfort and to fill a hole. In high school, I was taught by a mentor how to “handle” my weight and then began a long struggle with anorexia and eventually bulimia. This fed my control issues and my issues with failure. As I left high school and headed into college my scars began to resurface. I had already had 3 marriage proposals (I think half hearted but there none the less) and I was scared as hell about the idea of trusting someone who was bound to fail me because 1. he is human and 2. men were not to be trusted.

To handle this I turned to food, I don’t think I was totally aware of my actions until my now husband came back into my life. I was sabotaging any possible relationships by allowing myself to be FAT and there for undesirable to men. When my now husband (previously high school sweet heart) came back into my life, he didn’t care if I was thin or fat, he loved me. But I had subconsciously lived with food as a source of control and comfort for so long that I did not even know how bad it was. I am kind of the opposite of most people, I don’t see myself as big as I am until I see a picture then, its like WOW.

So long story short (yep too late) a few months ago I was challenged by some amazing women to start and 8 week Life Change Challenge and my life has started down a different path. With the help of other friends I am making some permanent life changes. It has become very clear to me that I may fail from time to time as a wife and mother, but I will fail them forever if I allow my obesity to take my life early. This is preventable but not easy. I have currently lost 30lbs from my highest weight, which I am not going to share as of right now. I have committed to doing a tri-athalone in May 2013 and started training yesterday 8/15/12. I love having a goal and I am so competitive that this is what I need. I am asking for accountability, support, and prayer from my friends. I am also asking for grace from myself.

I had a great day today and totally enjoyed putting my pre-teen son’s butt in it’s place tonight as I out biked him by over a mile and was able to still do cardio lifting after. Yes I know I am a little too competitive but it was nice to show him that this “fat, old lady” (my words not his) still had it in her. If you want to follow my journey wonderful, if not that is ok. I still have scars that I am dealing with and probably more that I will find as I go down this path, but for the first time I am ready to face them for not only my families health but for mine.

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